An Issue that many women struggle with during the separation process is deciding whether or not keep their married name. You could argue both sides why one should or should not keep it. On one hand it makes things less complicated for your children having the same name as their mother. Then on the other, when you separate from someone you are making yourself whole again so reverting back to your maiden name would be part of the recovery process.

For the children

Michelle F. kept her married name partly for professional consistency, “but mostly because I wanted to have the same surname as my children, who were 3 and 5 at the time,” she says. “Separation was confusing enough for children that age; I didn’t want their friends and school to have the additional confusion of a different surname for their mum. I may marry again in the next year or two, and I won’t change my name if I do — for the same reasons.”

Honoring her family

Nicole E. resisted changing her name when she married, “but my husband-to-be was very macho and traditional and didn’t even like the idea of hyphenating our names. So I gave in.” Among her reasons for legally changing her name back, includes family pride. “I have my grandfather’s surname. He was an immigrant who moved to America at a young age. He sponsored many of his family members as well as my grandmother’s. He took care of his family and sometimes those who weren’t his family, owned his own business, owned property, had strong values and was a brave man. I’m the last to have his name and I want to hold on to it.”

Prefers married name

Adriana S. did not change her married name back to her maiden name to make things easier on her daughter, and for logistical reasons. Plus, “I have no emotional attachment to my maiden name. It is my father’s name who left us when I was just 8 years old,” she explains, ”My maiden name is extremely hard to pronounce as I am an immigrant from Slovakia. My married name is so much simpler and it sounds great with my first name. I am about to remarry. I will add my new husbands name as my middle name. (I don’t have a middle name). He understands and supports my decision.”

Don’t try to dodge debt

Kelsey Mulholland, a family attorney, said that the one reason a woman absolutely should not change her name back to her maiden name, is if it is solely for the purpose of avoiding creditors or criminal prosecution. “A court will often make sure that a woman has a good faith reason for changing her name back and that she is not doing it to avoid creditors or criminal charges,” Mulholland says.

Keep your maiden name — except when your career suffers

Rosemary Frank, MBA, a financial advisor and separation financial analyst, urges both parties to keep their birth names when marrying, saying: “The only true marriage name of an equal partnership would be a hyphenated version of both spouses birth names. In the event of separation, wives who did change their names should revert to their maiden names, Frank says. “Separation is a process of making oneself whole again. Recovery of one’s maiden name is part of that restoration to their prior individuality.”
An exception, Frank says, is when the wife has significant professional collateral with her married name.

Keeping the married name might be good for the kids — and keeping you both single

April Masini, author of four relationship advice books and the ‘AskApril’ advice column says that keeping your married name can help make the transition easier for young kids post-separation. “If a woman changes her surname after a separation, and her kids see that there are now two homes, one parent in each, less to go around, and mum’s got a different name than we do, there’s more upset, more confusion and more transition, as well as an unearned feeling of loss from the name change,” Masini says. “However, if the marriage was so bad that the name change is liberating, in spite of the transition the kids go through as a result, it can be a positive change. Many kids choose to change their own names as a result, upon reaching majority, and while names tell a story about where you came from, they are, at the end of the day, a bunch of letters arranged in a certain way.”

She warns that keeping a married name can keep you stuck in a romantic relationship that has since ended. “If you have fond feelings — or can’t let go of the fact that you’re no longer connected by marriage — keeping your married name after separation is a way to hold on,” Masini says. “It’s also a way to thwart a subsequent marriage your ex may enter into by being ‘the other Mr. or Mrs. so-and-so.’”

The decision is yours to make

In the end no one can make this decision except for you. Like separation, this is not something that can be decided quickly. Figure out what your married names means to you and then go from there.